


The weight of us *_*

by selflessbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Miscarriage, Some Fluff, pregnancy au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selflessbellamy/pseuds/selflessbellamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A month.</p><p>That’s how long she had suspected it before she proved to actually have been right, in all the days of speculation, however this was another time where everything Clarke wanted, was to be wrong; if just once, then right now. Please.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The weight of us *_*

**_ The weight of us _ **

**__ **

_It’s like screaming, and no one can hear._

_You almost feel ashamed, that someone_

_could be that important that without them,_

**_you feel like nothing._ **

_No one will ever understand how much it hurts._

_You feel hopeless - but nothing can save you._

**_And when it’s over, and it’s gone, you almost wish_ **

**_that you could have all that bad stuff back,_ **

**_so you could have the good._ **

****

* * *

 

_A month._

That’s how long she had suspected it before she proved to actually have been right, in all the days of speculation, however this was another time where everything Clarke wanted, was to be wrong; if just once, then right now. Please.

But no. Luckily, she had never believed in that sinner-shit some people were too obsessed with, yet simply spending those nights with _him_ were certain mistakes, and there was only a single reason to why she had repeated that same mistake, over and over again: Because it was not necessarily a mistake until it got a lasting consequence: Oh yes, Clarke Griffin was pregnant, just practicing even thinking of it - the horrifying truth.

Silently crying herself to sleep most nights, shaking uncontrollably from the massive fear built up within her chest, creating a stone at her heart. _Why? A child? I can barely manage this camp._

And surely, she did not have any other choice than to ignore _him_ despite some weird place needing _his_ comfort; it was hard for her to admit when she wished not to rely on anyone, her own mother included.

Still, even strong, courageous Clarke - with everything already on her shoulders - would possibly crash under _the weight of this._

* * *

 

 

A lovely summer had its early rays beaming through the plastic of her tent, and it woke her up to the fresh scent of pine trees outside; bonfire, as well but lately the smell had begun to make her sick, which she would contribute to pregnancy, but obviously Clarke had never been faced with such weird symptoms before.

 

“Fancy an apple?” Without giving her time to reply, Jasper threw the green fruit in her direction, where she nearly missed a chance to grab it in mid-air. Actually, eating was by far the last thing on her occupied mind lately, mostly because of the constant waves of bitter nausea that constantly flushed in her stomach and throat.

Ignoring that, Clarke took a bite, suddenly remembering something very important:

“I need to find some medicinal herbs in the woods, Jasper. Would you mind being my back-up?” (Since Bellamy would kill her if she even dared to take a step outside the fence alone)

For a second it appeared to really confuse him, furrowing his eyebrows at her, knowing that there were at least three other people she would have normally asked before him. Yet, in the end it did not keep him from agreeing.

“Are you alright, Clarke?” _No._

“Yes, never been better. Why would you think otherwise?” Words could not accurately describe how much she was trying to hide the anxiety that had started to fill up in her veins, pulsing through her body instead of blood ever since Jasper had asked the pretty casual question: also, why would her fingertips not stop rubbing the hem of her jacket? Fidgeting was another nervous habit.

“You seem a little - I don’t know - Distracted?” His tone was as casual as it could be, giving away the fact that he did not think anything of it, so why in hell was she biting her lower lip?

* * *

 

Counting the herbs for the hundredth time ( _thirty x mint, thirty x violet, thirty x meadowsweet),_ Clarke suddenly noticed her head getting strangely heavy, and this time not because of thoughts or heat as usual.

_Okay, concentrate. Take a deep breath._

They had been out for what seemed like hours, but in reality none of them had any idea about the time (who brought a clock to Earth after all? Therefore it was too bad that her father’s watch was broken). As if her head was not a good enough burden in itself, the exhaustion grew to her legs as well, feet dragging slightly across the forest floor. Quite sadly, it did not go unnoticed.

“Clarke…”

“I’m -“ The _‘fine’_ got stuck in her throat when a sharp pain went right through her abdomen abruptly, forcing to break the poor balance she had on her by now weak legs. Swallowing a scream at the intensity of the ache - which felt like someone was torturing her - Clarke tried to keep going, wanting more than ever to return to camp where you could rest for perhaps a short minute, if you were lucky.

 

Jasper watched as she briefly coughed, bent over, hands tightly around her stomach. To be honest, he could even hear her grit teeth, pressing away the sounds that could have escaped.

His gut deeply told him to do something immediately, but that stubborn girl was in too much pain to say a word despite many failed tries.

And then, as he turned his attention back to Clarke upon briefly looking over his shoulder at some noise, she was on the damn ground, blacked out…

 

* * *

 

**_“I’m not ready, for the weight of us.”_ **

 

_Bellamy’s sheets seemed to fit perfectly between the fingers of her right hand, when the others were interlaced with his; a smile making him look so much younger, twinkling through his dark brown eyes. The warmth of their skin pressed against each other was just enough to hold them both in a little bubble of security._

_“Clarke…” Letting a thumb linger at her lower lip for a second, the four words filled his entire mind, and there was nothing left to do to make them go away. Not when she looked like this. Not when she did this to him._

_“What?” She chuckled, his dark curls havin g most of her attention at the moment; brushing her fingers carefully through it, concentrated of the soft feel of them._

_“You make me happy.”_

Crushing all hope, the pain did not leave for long as it brought her back to consciousness, fluttered her eyes open to a blurry room filled with what felt like a million different voices, which tangled together in her heavy mind. 

Blinking a few times, the world came back to focus, and she did not even have to turn her head to figure out that this was the medical tent. There was apparently no brief amnesia; Clarke knew what had happened, even though that flashback shown in her dream was not exactly helping her put the last blank pieces of memory together.

“She’s awake.” Wow, that first voice came directly from beside her, and although it took much effort, Clarke succeeded in turning her head a little, laying eyes on Finn, who was sitting conveniently next to the make-shift bed, she realized Jasper must have put her on.

Another shot of pain, this time a lot stronger, starting by her ribs, running all the way down to her lower abdomen, where she had felt the first stab, and she found herself shocked too late, not being able to keep the tears from forming, blurring her vision once more, until they ran down her cheeks.

“Move!” _Mom?_

Abby now stood at the end of the bed, so Clarke could see the worried expression on her face, and also picture it very clearly in her mind as the pain forced her eyes shut again, but then she felt a warm palm against the exposed skin of her stomach, which helped a bit, though not nearly enough. However, when Abby pressed down, then it was right back. _“Sweetie…” This couldn’t be. It couldn’t be. She was only eight-teen; still just a kid._

“Tell me you’re not… _Pregnant?_ ” But the word tasted too foreign on Abby’s tongue, and when there was no answer, it all came crashing down, especially for Clarke, who could feel _his_ eyes on her own; they were paralyzing as always, turning words into sobs: “I made a - mistake, mom.” The blue in her eyes released a new set of tears, which made her able to see that Abby shook her head, breathing out.

And from that point on, the crying did not appear to have an end; sometimes, it was silent, but every once in a while, she would forget to draw breath, causing the next sob to hitch in her throat, only to escape with more hurt than ever.

This was the first time she had cried since finding out she was pregnant. Perhaps concealing feelings really was not that healthy after all.

“It’s okay, Honey,” attempting to calm her daughter before asking a question, Abby took the hand that Finn had let go of, “how far along are you?”

“I don’t know - two months maybe.” Clarke winced at another shot of pain, and completely forgot all about Bellamy’s presence; that is, until he landed on his knees next to her seconds later, grabbing her hand to caress her knuckles. Abby stared at him, but for now, his focus was elsewhere: “Two months?” he whispered, breathing heavily as if trying to keep himself from losing it, however Clarke could only nod, her eyes closed by exhaustion. “We’re gonna get through this. I promise, I will never let you go alone.”

Even Abby had tears glinting in her eyes by now, but that was mostly because of the news she knew she had to break to them, knowing how traumatized they would be afterwards, and that most likely forever.

“Bellamy… She’s -“ Now that he looked at her, the words trembled, “she’s having a miscarriage.” As strongly as he did not want to believe it, somewhere among his sensibility was that part of him that knew that it was in fact true.

Bellamy pressed a kiss to Clarke’s forehead, letting his thumb caress the area his lips left, and he was well aware that this was a state of shock; none of this seemed real, but it soon would, which was what he feared. God, he was terrified.

But at least they mended each other…


End file.
